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Loving the self

Updated: Oct 31, 2022

“Self love” is a buzz word that has surfaced all over social media as something that is cutesy, fun and lighthearted. For example: taking a bubble bath, buying yourself flowers, watching an hour of your favorite tv show, etc. These are all amazing options as ways to love the self but we often forget about those very challenging moments when we’re not feeling our best… how do you love yourself in those moments?

My previous patterns weren’t always filled with love and compassion. It was easy to be my very own worst self critic and the way I would mentally speak to myself is not how I would speak to anyone going through something challenging. To me, self love is all about expressing the highest frequency, divine love, through all of your life’s moments. Everyday, all day.

Here are a couple of techniques I have tried that have served me well.

(Disclaimer: Whathillsaid blogs are for informational purposes only and not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice.

Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition.)

Tip 1: The next time you think or speak something negatively of yourself, remind yourself that you love yourself anyway. It could look something like this but of course this can be used in a multitude of ways and if my wording doesn't resonate, please use the words that feel natural to you. The point here is to remind yourself through all of life's ups and downs, but especially the downs, you still have LOVE.

“I hate the way my body looks...but I love myself anyway”


“I f***ed up really big this time... But I still love and accept myself.”

You get the drift?

Sometimes it can be hard to add that last bit of detail when you're irritated and upset or in a downward spiral of self loathing, or you just currently do not love yourself, but it can really makes a difference. Once you get in the habit of saying it, you will begin to FEEL it, and you may even speak much less negatively of yourself all together which is the idea.

Tip 2: Reparent yourself during the times you need support. If this is your first time hearing the phrase “reparent” and you yourself are a parent or have living parents, just hear me out. It doesn’t mean that your parents didn't do a good job or that you missed a step if you’re the parent. Our parents do the very best they can with the resources they are given and that is important to recognize. However, reparenting is basically giving yourself what it is you need in that moment that you maybe didn’t receive as a child. If you have/had emotionally mature parents, then you probably already know what to do. But, if you had/have parents that were/are not able to express emotions in a productive way or you yourself weren’t allowed the right to express emotion, take the time to be the parent you needed when you were a child in those moments of despair.

For me, what that may look like is if I’m having a bad day and it’s hard to keep a positive mindset about something, I will take that moment to “reparent” the little girl in me that just needs some extra love and support. The dialogue with myself could sound something like this… “Hey Hillary, I know you’re doing the very best you can at this thing. You are allowed to feel upset or sad at what is happening right now, those emotions are healthy. But no matter what happens, I will love you through all of it.”

Final thoughts: These tips may bring up some emotions for you. I invite you to explore how it makes you feel to give yourself love in this way. When it was new to me, it felt really uncomfortable. I thought it was cheesy, weird, it made me squirm and I wanted to run. But thats because I was so conditioned and comfortable with self sabotage and verbal abuse from myself, to myself. There’s so so so many other ways to add self love into your daily routine… eventually this way of being will become so natural to you that anything outside of love will feel foreign and misplaced.

Do I really need to remind yal of what auntie Ru says?

To the one reading this, may your inner love overflow and infinitely expand.

Peace + Love

Hillary Perkins

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